Thursday, January 27, 2011

Selfishness Matters author Challenges Entire Town to Therapy Smack-down!

In an outrageous move possibly calculated to get attention, parody penner Theo Selles has challenged the entire town of Uxbridge to a “Therapy Smack-down!” What started off as a simple book signing has escalated into a contest between the neurosis of town residents and the superior skills of a self-helper determined to overcome them. Mr. Selles, pictured here trying to look ominous, released this statement: “I, Theo Selles, Bullshitzer Prize winning author of the bestselling book Selfishness Matters, challenge you, the messed-up residents of Uxbridge, to bring me your silly relationship and mental health issues and I will neuter you in 5 minutes or less.” When it was suggested to the confident guru that perhaps he meant “fix”, he snapped, “I know what I said!” The smack-down is scheduled for 7 pm on February 8 at Blue Heron Books. One can’t help but wonder if success is starting to go to the author’s head and if he just might be going too far! Stay connected to the Selfish Scoop. More dramatic news to follow!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Famous Author Appeals to Paparazzi!

In a classic case of “What has the world come to?” beloved Selfishness Matters author Theo Selles is appealing to the paparazzi to stop following him around in his dreams! In an exclusive interview granted at his heavily guarded Canadian estate, Mr. Selles confided in The Scoop that he feels threatened by what he called, “an outrageous invasion of privacy.” “It’s one thing to have people fawn all over me and take pictures when I’m imagining myself skinny-dipping with Fergie in the South of France, but it’s quite another when people get right into my head!” Mr. Selles claimed that the unwanted nocturnal intrusions have left him a bundle of nerves and given him a severe case of the vapours. “When will it end?” Mr. Selles asked. “Is there no limit to what glamour-drawn celebrity stalkers can do?!” Stay connected to The Selfish Scoop. More dramatic news to follow!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Sex, Sex, and More Sex!

Sex, sex, and more sex did not happen last night at the opulent mansion home of Selfishness Matters author Theo Selles! The Scoop has it on good authority that the renowned Bullshitzer winning parody penner spent a sexless evening alone. By threatening to use The Freedom of Information Act, The Scoop was able to obtain a classified list of people with whom Mr. Selles did not have sex! This sensational list includes such notables as Cassius Clay, Oprah Winfrey, Elton John, Jennifer Lopez, Yogi Bear, Dr. Phil, and the deceased Ella Fitzgerald! When asked about the people he did not have sex with, Mr. Selles declared, “I do have some regrets, but I am not ashamed!” Stay connected to The Selfish Scoop. More dramatic news to follow!