Shocking allegations of inappropriate behaviour have emerged in the aftermath of a recent Selfishness Matters book launch party! The Scoop has learned that Ziggy James Selles, dog of Bullshitzer Prize winner Theo Selles, has been accused of making unwanted advances towards a person who currently can only be identified as “Little Piggy.” Apparently these incidents occurred repeatedly during a drunken celebration of the type successful authors are known for hosting. The Scoop sought professional help in determining if these allegations could have merit, and submitted this photo of Mr. Selles to in-house Psychiatrist, Dr. Thornton Dsm the Fourth, for assessment. Here is what he startlingly said: “Upon examining the photo it is clear that the suspect suffers from extreme oral fixation, possibly in conjunction with low impulse control. We most certainly cannot rule out Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder.” In fact the only disorder Dr. Dsm was willing to rule out was Vaginismus, as he has never encountered that in males before. The Scoop attempted to reach Mr. Selles for comment but learned that he has ‘lawyered up'. Rest assured that The Scoop will not rest until it gets to the bottom of this story! More dramatic news to follow!
Wow nice to know action being taken and the victim's claims taken seriously. Where's the photographic evidence of this alleged incident? Inquiring needs to know.
ReplyDeleteDear "Inquiring needs to know," The Scoop welcomes all inquiries from the public and will not rest until all facts in this matter have been uncovered, including the results of a full investigation into possible parental negligence!
ReplyDeleteShould the Catholic Puppies Aid Society be contacted about this?
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