Marine Biologist Troubled!

Where were the parents!? That’s the question The Scoop is asking in the aftermath of a Selfishness Matters book launch party gone wrong. By now the world knows of the accusations of salacious advancement pointed directly at Mr. Ziggy Selles in what is universally referred to as “The Ziggy Piggy Story.” But what’s been overlooked up to this point is the role Mr. Piggy’s parents played (or perhaps did not play) in Mr. Piggy’s protection while they were at the party. The Scoop obtained this photograph of Mr. Piggy and his mother and immediately turned it over to in-house Marine Biologist, Professor Coraline Kelp, for analysis. Professor Kelp said, “This appears to be a picture of two mammals in the water. The little one has what appears to be a tire around its neck, and it seems to be struggling to stay afloat. The older, female mammal has an expression on its face which could be interpreted to be one of glee.” When asked if she could rule out foul play, Professor Kelp stated, “Absolutely not!” She added, “This reminds me of all those dead birds I’ve seen strangled by plastic can holders.” The Scoop thanked Professor Kelp and helped her make an appointment with in-house Psychiatrist, Dr. Dsm, to ease her distress. So, does this evidence point to a pattern of parental negligence and possibly more? Stay connected to The Selfish Scoop. More dramatic news to follow!