The Selfish Scoop has confirmed that beloved self-help parody author Theo Selles has been admitted into the Port Perry Asylum for Wealthy Wackos with a severe case of Split-Screen Personality! Not since Stephen King was run over by a van has there been such alarm and anticipatory grief for a writer! Thousands of Mr. Selles’s devoted fans have anxiously gathered outside the Asylum on Lunatic Lawn to sit vigil, hold candles, and eat spam. One of them, Ms. Anonymity Privates, sobbed, “I just don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t recover! I used to watch Dr. Phil, but now I read Selfishness Matters over and over all day!” Scoop in-house Psychiatrist, Dr. Thornton Dsm the Fourth, said that it was too early to provide a scientific explanation for why Mr. Selles would take on the images of TV personalities Marc Hebscher and Donna Skelly but he suspects “it has something to do with stress.” Stay connected to The Selfish Scoop. More dramatic news to follow!
